Fight Night with JB

I had a date last night, which will be referred to as Fight Night with JB. I met JB on a popular online dating site, and after going back and forth for about a month, we decided to exchange numbers and eventually meet. 

Now, let me explain something to y’all, I’ve been on and off online dating sites since I broke up with J1 and for you skeptics, on-line dating can provide both positive and negative experiences, but the point is it allows for an array of choices and opportunities that you otherwise would not have access to in the real world. That’s just my opinion. I also have found that with online profiles, pictures aren’t always so accurate. Sometimes, the person looks way hotter or sometimes they are just a big mess. So my advice is: Keep an open mind, have fun, and make the most of it. 

Back to Fight Night with JB. We decided to meet up for our first date. Normally, when it comes to online dating, I like to suggest coffee meet-and-greets because you just never know, but JB decided to grab the bull by the horns and suggested that we go see the Mayweather fight. I had told JB that the bar wouldn’t open until 9pm, but there must have been some kind of language barrier because JB seemed to not understand me and insisted that we meet at 8pm … and so we did.  Shocker … The bar was closed. JB was almost offended that not only did he have to pay a cover charge, but that the bar expected him to wait until 9pm to enter!!! Now, I know I drink a lot, but I am almost 99% positive that I was sober when I specifically warned him that the bar wouldn’t open until 9pm. Well, here we were, with an hour to kill and JB thought it would be a great idea to walk around the city – FOR AN HOUR?! Thank God for low heels right? WRONG – by the end of that romantic stroll my feet were throbbing. The rest of the night was spent with us standing by the bar screaming things into each other’s ears and me sneaking off to the bathroom every so often to sit on the toilet and rest my feet for 5 mins while texting my girlfriends for advice on how to escape this nightmare. 

Some key moments that I DO remember from Fight Night with JB are:

          1. At one point, he suggested that we leave and go to Hooters. Now, I’m no prude, but on a first date? I’d rather go to a strip club and buy myself a nice little lap dance. When he saw the look on my face, he said OK, if anything, I have a bottle of wine that we can finish off in my car. WHAT?

          2. It became so crowded that JB was forced to stand extremely close to my body. That’s when the inappropriate grinding ensued. I know when it’s crowded in a bar, but I also know when I’m being grinded on and can we say … opportunistic much??

          3. Lastly, I noticed that JB had a habit of repeating himself. That’s OK – my brain spaces out from time to time as well. What did bother me was that JB kept asking me if my eyebrows were real. Yes – my EYEBROWS. SIDENOTE: He also asked if my teeth were real, because they were so white. After the 3^rd time, I realized that by eyebrows he meant eyelashes. I was so agitated at this point, I just said, “Yes JB, my eyebrows are naturally this long and thick. I guess God just blessed me.” He then proceeded to point to his eyelashes and ask me, “What about my eyebrows? Are they long too?” KILL. ME. NOW.

By 1:30 a.m., I had had enough. I grew a pair and politely thanked him for the night out and explained that I was ready to call it a night. As I went in for a hug goodbye, JB made his move and plastered his lips right on mine. I pulled away, shouted out my last goodbye whilst limping toward the Jetta for safety and sped off into the night.

I will say this, my night didn’t end on such a bad note … On my way home (still in the city), I briefly stopped at one of my favorite bars for a quick bathroom break. I ran into and chatted away with the bouncer at the door and we ended up exchanging numbers. So, I guess the lesson here is that when life opens up a door, you better run the hell out and away from JB unless you're up for some back seat wine action. 

The struggle continues until the next date ...